I have never technically struggled…(for the essentials). But such are the times that every little unconventional work that one does these days, tendency gathers to seek out gratification from people around us. And in fact, there will be people to establish that false sense of achievement by lauding the effort traditionally using the words – “at least you have been able to do this…” Thus every time I started to look at some of my accomplishments – be it materialistic or artistic – I could not help but wonder and compare with all those men and women who would have struggled harder, toiled more throughout the day and night and even during the sleep in between, who would have tirelessly pursued their goals and ambitions, and would have fought a far greater battle with destiny to turn the tide in their favor – to be where they are, just to have at the end in equivalent measures what I have. I couldn’t then help but ask myself – am I still worth the privileges I enjoyed or received.
Yes, there have been moments where I could not resist praising myself in performing or pursuing some of the most reticent of tasks that in today’s world a digitalized citizen generally doesn’t follow. I would have often pat on my back for executing some of the seemingly difficult activities effortlessly balancing (as people around me would refer to) two lives – executing tasks that are traditionally labeled as fortes of feminine class and is unfathomable for some moustache bearing men of my age. Yet, every now and then I get hit by a boulder of another homo sapien – who would have just done that little bit more to belittle my own sense of egoistic happiness.
How even after claiming to submit myself to artistic virtues I could not resist from the glamour-seeking vices? How even after standing up for the ethical I would have succumbed to the corruption of the material world? I wish I could stop myself from this torment.